


from one end to the other

by enchantressofyggdrasil



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Implied Shadowgast - Freeform, Mini Fic, essek deserves all the hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 16:53:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24150115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enchantressofyggdrasil/pseuds/enchantressofyggdrasil
Summary: All of the Mighty Nein hug Essek <3
Relationships: The Mighty Nein & Essek Thelyss
Comments: 9
Kudos: 82





	from one end to the other

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I should've done this during Essek Week but didn't get the idea until now! It's Shadowgast Week tho, so the ending feels appropriate!

Caduceus hugs are warm, if a bit weird. Essek has never hugged anyone with so much fur but he doesn’t dislike it. He tends to float just a bit higher with Caduceus’s hugs, lessening the height difference. Caduceus smells like old moss, and it’s a smell that stays with Essek even hours after they hugged. It’s nice, though, because it reminds Essek that someone _did_ hug him that day. That he didn’t imagine having a friend. That maybe his damned, touch-starved soul wasn’t so touch-starved anymore. 

Caduceus’s hugs feel like a reflection. Like the firbolg is asking him something through an embrace. It isn’t invasive, though. Essek imagines each one of his hugs is saying in that deep, chesty rumble of his, “You should figure yourself out, don’t you think?” 

Essek thinks a lot on those days.

***

When Yasha first hugged Essek he was scared. He would die before he admitted it but it’s true. It would be so easy for her to pretend to be affectionate and then break his ribs beneath her arms. But this quiet barbarian is soft, and her hug was even softer, as though aware of her strength, and pulled it back to make him comfortable. Essek knows that her experience with Xhorhas is not the same as his, but though he doesn’t feel a particular connection to his “homeland”, that thread of shared nationality is there between them. 

With that first hug Essek could see the fog of loneliness pooling around her, a lifetime’s worth.

_“Do you ever get lonely in your solitude?”_

He knows she can see the fog around him, too, and it’s on the days when it is thick enough to drown him that she comes and hugs him, his own personal lifesaver.

***

When Veth hugs him, it’s awkward. She’s so much smaller than him and can only really hug his knees, and often it ends up with Essek twisting his body strangely in order to prevent her face in his lap. He doesn’t mind so much, though, because her hugs are serious. Despite her taking the piss out of everyone, when she hugs she means it, and Essek can feel that.

She hugs him like a mother is supposed to. Like his mother never did. He can’t remember the last time his mother even hugged him at all. 

Right before she lets go she gives him one final squeeze around the knees that says, “You’re okay now.” 

***

Beau hugs him and it’s silent and still. Her wiry arms wrap diagonally around him and tense just enough that she doesn’t look comfortable. So that if anyone sees her she doesn’t look like a softie. Essek doesn’t care. It’s touching to him that she doesn’t want to look vulnerable but will still hold him anyway. That she has to look like a hard-ass but she never lets go first.

They never say anything when they hug; they don’t have to. She reads him and his body language, digging at his secrets and feelings and Essek lets her, because he reads her right back, wondering at the walls that encircle her emotions, nearly identical to his own. They meet eyes afterwards. No words. A silent agreement: Essek is fucked up but he isn’t alone.

She puts one hand on his shoulder, steadying him. Sometimes the amount of affection is overwhelming.

***

Fjord’s hugs fluster Essek. He’s broad and pulls Essek against his chest so firmly that Essek loses his breath for a moment. The rest of them say Fjord gives really good hugs, and though Essek hasn’t had much experience with hugs and must take their word for it, he’s willing to believe it’s true.

Fjord smiles a lot when he hugs him, and sometimes Essek can feel the press of his tusks in his shoulder when he’s pulled in for a hug. Essek doesn’t mind it, and he presses his own face into Fjord’s shoulder even if only for a second. 

He only briefly has the thought that Fjord would be a good cuddler before the hug breaks and Essek reconstructs his emotional wall again. It gets a little bit thinner each time.

***

Jester hugs him like it’s the last thing she’ll do each time. Sometimes she hugs him so abruptly that her horns slam into his chest hard enough to bruise. Sometimes she lifts him off his feet. She hugs him around the middle so tightly that it hurts, but the hurt is real, and the hug is real, so Essek treasures it. 

Her hugs are loud, usually accompanied by a laugh or a shout of joy. Essek wishes he had words for her, because she deserves some, but he can never think of anything worth saying. His throat closes shut, emotion teetering on the brink.

She embraces him around the middle and the love she has reaches his bones. Many of her hugs end with his cheeks wet, quietly wishing he was worth it.

***

Caleb’s hugs are warm. _Gods_ , they’re warm. Essek hadn’t realised just how cold he felt until he hugged Caleb for the first time. He feels bad about putting his cold fingers through Caleb’s hair, but he can’t help it. Caleb’s hair is blanket soft, red and warm. And Caleb even reaches up his hands and runs his fingers along the shaved hair on the back of Essek’s head, warming his scalp in a flush that bleeds to his face. 

Caleb’s arms hug him in such a relaxed way that Essek wonders how he can be so calm when here is Essek, so worked up in his arms that sometimes he shakes. Caleb holds him right around the middle, and they rock very faintly back and forth. It’s a dance that Essek wishes was longer but even the smallest moment like this is better than nothing.

They are usually alone when they hug, and that might make Essek wonder if Caleb was embarrassed to touch him or hold him in front of the others, but he understands. The way Caleb puts his cheek against Essek’s chest, and the way they both sigh into it … it’s private. But it’s always warm.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a comment from @neonbirb on twitter
> 
> Follow me on twitter @michealachaos


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